Thoughts on not being able to work | Health

Today's post is going to be a more personal one, about something that really gets to me and some days, overthinking about it very much affects my mental health. Since graduating from university, I have not been able to work. I have not been able to join in with my peers applying for jobs, going to interviews or starting graduate internships. If you are a regular reader of my blog, you will know that I am a spoonie, that I have several invisible illnesses, that I suffer from chronic pain. I have fibromyalgia, irritable bowel syndrome, asthma, generalised anxiety disorder and depression. Throughout my degree, these conditions emerged in full force and changed my life. Having to deal with physical and mental chronic illness is so difficult because of the symptoms but also because of how it impacts your everyday life. It's stressful not being able to work and I wanted to discuss my thoughts about why. 

Not being able to work makes me feel left out. It makes me feel almost like I'm being left behind, stuck at home, whilst I have to watch my friends and fellow graduates venture into an exciting new chapter of their lives. Working is fulfilling and it brings with it lots of opportunities. It's fun to meet new people and to work within a team, plus you can achieve your goals and be proud of your work. It makes me sad that I'm missing out on experiencing this, and more often than not this feeling of missed opportunities fuels my depression and anxiety. I overthink about the future and when and if I will ever be able to follow my career dreams. I live with a feeling of dread, of gloom, because I want to be doing more with my life and the fear that I won't get to do some of the things I wanted to with my life is sometimes overwhelming. 

Another problem that not being able to work brings is everyone just assuming that it's a temporary problem. People expect that you're going to recover soon and then be ready to go back to work or in my case, start looking for work. Sometimes explaining that you're not sure when you'll be able to work is hard so it's easier to just say that you're ill at the moment and although the people in my life know I struggle from anxiety and fibromyalgia, they don't fully understand what that means. Anxiety is seen as 'just abit of worry', 'everybody gets nervous', 'I'm anxious about that too' and they assume that this isn't enough to impact your life. They don't get that anxiety is a serious mental health condition. As for physical health, it's a classic case of 'but you don't look ill', therefore I must be able to work. People can't see the pain you have to endure everyday, they cannot see the sleepless nights, the never-ending fatigue, and all of the other symptoms that accompany it. So as a result, I am still asked 'have you been applying for any jobs?' whenever I have a catch-up with friends. I know they are just curious about how my life is, about how I'm getting on after university, but it's a constant reminder that I'm not working when I wish I could be. 

Not being able to work sometimes makes me feel like I'm wasting my degree. I worked so hard to get to university, to prove wrong everyone who ever doubted me and to make myself proud. The year before I went was a very hard time, the depression I'd experienced in my early teens came flooding back and I believed university would be a fresh start, the most amazing time of my life. Unfortunately, my body had other ideas and not long after I'd settled in, my health started to get worse. By the time I'd gotten to my third year of study, I was at an all time low. My mental health was really severe and it was one hell of a struggle to make it to the end of my degree. I sometimes find myself thinking about how much I endured and for what? Yes, I am proud of myself, I proved just strong I can be, but I feel lost when I think about the fact that I am not using any of the skills I learnt. 

Facebook can be a nightmare for reminding me what everybody else is doing and what I am not, and as most of us know it's really difficult not to compare. I see my fellow graduates working in zoos all over the world and I have so much admiration and excitement for them, but I also feel a little jealous too. I want to be living my dream, and coming to terms with the fact that it might not happen is challenging. I like to stay positive as much as I can, but also want to be real with myself to prepare for what could happen. 

A final issue that makes not being able to work hard is dealing with judgemental and irritating comments. 'You are so lucky that you don't have to work!', 'I wish I could just stay at home all day', 'At least you don't have to work a 12 hour shift', are just some of the comments I've experienced and I'm sure my fellow spoonies can add many more to the list. It's difficult to not get really angry sometimes, like yeah, I'm so lucky to be in pain constantly; I feel like I've worked a 12 hour shift of hard labour when all I've done is have a shower and tidied my bedroom!  I wish people could understand just how stressful it is that I don't have a choice, I am not capable of being able to work right now. 

Although I cannot work at the moment, who knows what the future will hold. I am trying my hardest to work towards recovery and getting to a good place with my mental health. Only then can I start the journey of finding out what I am capable of. There are days when not being able to work are bloody tough, but not as tough as having to deal with my health so I need to try my best not to let the opinions of others get me down and be confident in the fact that I have to deal with so many things that they do not. I am a warrior, I am strong and even though I may not be able to get my dream career, I can still enjoy my life :) I hope you all enjoyed this post and that it has been a helpful one. Sorry if I ranted too much haha

Thankyou for reading!

♥

Are you not able to work right now? What are your thoughts on that? 

Are you a spoonie that works? If so, what is the most hardest thing about working? 

Follow me on social media 

| Twitter | Tumblr | Instagram | Google + | Pinterest |

Travelling when you're a Spoonie | Health

Hey everyone! What a lovely sunny day it is today in England. I absolutely love it! It's been so nice to sit in the garden and watch the butterflies and bees fly about, watch my rabbits sunbathing and feel the warmth of the sun on my back. I love Springtime! How are you all spending the day? Let me know in the comments. For today's post, I'm going to be sharing some tips that have helped me prepare for my upcoming break abroad. If you saw Saturday's post you'll know that tomorrow, me and my friend are going to Sweden for a few days to watch the Eurovision Song Contest! I'm incredibly excited, but also very anxious. Travelling can be nerve-racking for most people, but when you have a chronic illness there are so many other factors to consider that can make travelling a daunting experience. It's important to take steps to ensure that you have just as much fun on holiday as you can whilst looking after your health! I hope this post is helpful :) 

I have fibromyalgia and irritable bowel syndrome, both of which have an impact of my everyday life and mean that I have to plan ahead before I do something or go somewhere to ensure that I am physically and mentally prepared for the task ahead. I also struggle with anxiety disorder which has been making me really worry about travelling abroad so I have come up with a list of things to help me feel more organised and well-prepared in an attempt to reduce some of my anxiety surrounding my mental and physical health conditions whilst I'm away. I wanted to share these with you all and hopefully help my fellow spoonies feel more at ease when they are on holiday :) 

(1) Don't overexert yourself in the excitement of the holiday. Remember to still pace and look after yourself as you would at home. You don't want to use up all of your strength in the first few days and be too exhausted to do anything for the rest of your stay.

(2) Remember to prepare your medication. This is so important! Visit your doctor to ensure that you have enough meds to take with you for your entire holiday. Bring a few extra of each with you, just in case. It's always better to overpack than to run out of medication when you are far away from home. 

(3) Another important factor in relation to your medication is that you remember to get a doctor's note or a signed/stamped prescription so that you can take all of your medication with you through customs without any problems arising. (Find some more information about taking medication abroad here).

(4) Remember to relax and rest. It's sometimes easy to forget to do this on holiday because you want to do lots of fun things, but be sure to take some time to just relax and recuperate some of your strength. 

(5) Make sure you eat well, especially if your health conditions mean that you have specific dietary requirements. For me, due to my irritable bowel syndrome, I can't risk eating certain foods so I will need to watch what I eat on my holiday whilst still making sure I eat well. 

 If you are interested in getting one of the cards shown in the photo above, I got it when I became a member of the IBS Network. They are the UK charity for Irritable Bowel Syndrome and have lots of useful information and resources (Check them out here).

(6) Keeping hydrated is so crucial so make sure to drink lots of water (or any other drinks) and carry extra drinks with you whenever you go out sight-seeing. It's also important to remember to buy a drink in the airport if you need to take your medication during your flight. 

(7) Sleep is really important for everyone, and even more so when you suffer from a chronic illness. If you don't get a good night's sleep, you will feel the effects the next day and this may stop you being able to enjoy yourself and do the things you wanted to do. 

(8) Planning ahead is a must for me. To help reduce my anxiety, I researched my holiday destination and the hotel I will be staying at weeks in advance to assure things would be well-organised and at least a little familiar once I arrived. I have written down a plan listing what will be happening on each day, and I know this will be especially helpful for me when I am travelling to and from our destination. 

(9) Make sure that you prepare for a flare up. Flare up's are often unpredictable so they can strike at any time. It's important that you take anything that you usually need when you have a flare up at home so that you are well prepared. 

(10) A final tip that I hope will be helpful for me is to remember not to beat myself up if I can't do something. It's hard imagining not being able to visit somewhere or do all of the things I wanted to whilst on holiday, but I need to remember to not push myself over my limits, to look after myself and have fun!

I want to end this post by saying how it important it is that you don't worry that you are going to ruin the holiday for whoever you are travelling with, whether it's your family or your friends. You need to prioritise your health and well-being so that you are happy and enjoy your holiday just as much as everyone else. I hope you all have a lovely Spring & Summer and get to go on holiday, too. 

Thankyou for reading!

♥

Have you got any tips for travelling with a health condition? How do you prepare for your holiday?

 

Invisible Illness Awareness | Health

Today is the last day of Invisible Illness Awareness Week (or is it tomorrow?) and I've been planning to write this post for days now, but having a chest infection has meant that I've had to shuffle all my posts around and my organisation has been all over the place. Better late than never, right? :) This post is going to be more personal than anything I've written on my blog so far, because I'm going to tell you all about my own experience with invisible chronic illness. Invisible illness as the name suggests is a term used to categorise medical conditions (both physical and mental health conditions) that are barely visible on the outside, but they cause the person affected a lot of pain, discomfort and have an array of life-changing symptoms. People with invisible illness are often faced with judgement from people who do not understand or narrow-minded people who say things like '...but you don't look sick'.

I'm very thankful for the massive community of supportive and understanding people all over the internet sharing positive, motivational messages and showing their support for people who have invisible illnesses. When I first developed the symptoms of my own health conditions, reading encouraging posts really helped me, and then I also discovered the 'spoonie' community ♥ Many of you will have heard of spoonies, but for those who haven't it is term that people living with a chronic illness identify with and it is based on the Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino. Read more about what the Spoon Theory is here. Finding this community on tumblr, and later on instagram, has honestly helped me hold myself together on my worst days & find people who know what it truly feels like to deal with chronic illness. 

The adorable illustration above is by the very talented artist, Emm Roy (check out her tumblr). It's important for everyone to remember that you are strong and you should be proud of yourself for everything you've endured and all that you've overcome! Posts like these help me when I'm personally struggling to deal with my invisible illnesses. I have generalised anxiety disorder and depression, as well as irritable bowel syndrome and a yet-to-be-officially-diagnosed chronic pain condition which I believe is fibromyalgia (but it's proving ridiculously difficult to be referred to a specialist for diagnosis! >.< ). 

I experienced a period of depression when I was in high school due to being bullied and as a consequence I developed a very low self-esteem. After meeting an amazing group of people outside of school which helped my confidence grow, my depression seemed to go away. It unfortunately retuned in 2010... I went through a breakup, and the heartbreak accompanied with the stress of applying to university, college work and other various personal problems brought my depression back and it's never really gone away since then. I finally started uni in 2012; just after that I developed irritable bowel syndrome (although I've had digestive issues since I was 10 years old) and it really affected my life. I experienced social anxiety, and over time it worsened until I was suffering from anxiety in pretty much all areas of my life. As for my pain condition, I've been having symptoms since my early teens that have gotten worse over the years. At first, I thought I was experiencing the aches and pains that are a symptom of depression, but I now get chronic muscle & join pain, fatigue and lots of other health issues. Do you have any of the health issues that I do, or anything similar? It would be great to chat to some bloggers who are fellow spoonies.

Dealing with invisible illness can be extremely challenging at times. I'm in pain a lot and I get exhausted very quickly. I have to cancel plans all the time and I'm often too ill to go out. My conditions get worse when I'm stressed or randomly 'flare up' for what seems like no reason at all. I'm finding it more and more difficult to do all the things I used to, and I'm hoping blogging will help me focus on the positive things in my life that make me happy!

   ^ I thought this was a super cute way to finish my post! It's from another awesome artist called Jacqueline (check out her website here). 

To anyone who has an invisible illness, whether mental or physical, stay strong!

& to everyone who took the time to write or post something on social media this last week to help spread awareness, thankyou :) 

Thankyou for reading!

♥ 

Would you like me to blog more about life as a spoonie in the future?